Friday, October 28, 2005

Real Dream

So, I had another one of those dreams about my mom last night. You know- the ones that are *real*. For those who don't know, my mom passed away 2 1/2 years ago, from cancer. Since then, I am blessed have these *dreams* every once in a while that I hesitate to call dreams, only because they are so real- I think of them more as little meetings between my mom and I, that happen to take place while I am asleep. In these instances, I am not merely dreaming about my mom, rather, it's like she is really there, and I am there, and we are interacting. If you have never had an experience like this, it's so hard to explain without sounding like a crazy person, but you'll just have to take my word for it. (Note to self: I'm going to have to come up with a name for these.) Anyway, I've had a few of these since her passing, but I haven't had one in a while, and I have been feeling sad about that recently. Then lo and behold, I had one last night. This one was short: I was walking across a room and looked down the hall and saw her walking toward me. I stopped and did a double take, and then ran over to her and she gave me a hug that I can still feel. As we hugged I felt so thankful- I was so worried that she wouldn't be coming back to see me, but she let me know that she knew that's how I was feeling (she always knows), so she wanted to make sure I knew that she is still with me. I cried and cried. When I woke up (in the middle of the night) I had tears in my eyes. I tried not to think about it too much, and fell back asleep. When I woke up in the morning and remembered the dream, I cried again. These dreams make me so happy and so sad at the same time. They make me feel sad because it makes me miss her, a lot. But, they make me feel happy because I feel like I was able to share a few moments with my mom, and because it reinforces in me that she is still around me and knows what I'm thinking and feeling. She knows when I need a hug from her, and she still finds a way to give it to me. And I'm so, very grateful for that. So, that's my weather report for today- partially cloudy with a few scattered showers, but mostly sunny. :) Thanks, Mom!

5 comments:

Julia said...

You're very lucky to have such a "vocal" mother. I lost my younger brother about 4 years ago, but have never had an experience like that. Things will get easier as time passes. At only the two year mark, I imagine you must still feel very raw. The first three years were a daze for me, but now in year four I'm starting to come out of the fog. In the meantime, it's nice that you can have these moments to share with her.

Disentangled said...

I'm so happy that you were able to see her again. I still remember the time in the park when you told us you had a *dream* and we all ended up in tears. But I think they were happy tears because we were so happy you had been able to see her and touch her again. Like I told you before, B had one of those with his grandpa and it really helped him say goodbye since he felt bad he didn't get to talk to him one last time. They sound like truely amazing experiences.

chele said...

What a wonderful dream~ I have had similar experiences of my best guy friend that passed, and if you still "feel" the moment's realness when you awake, it was truly a loving visit. I treasure my dream-visits and am thankful I remember them after awaking. I've learned that if I think of this friend before going to sleep at night and what I want to say at the next dream visit, the chances are stronger I'll have another dream.
Have a great weekend and enjoy!
Michele

The Stitchin' Sheep said...

You've got me crying over here. I've never had one of those dreams. That's a pretty nice treat when you're in need of that connection. I'm sure it helps with the healing and dealing with the loss.

Nasus said...

I love Michele's term "dream-visit." Your story gave me chills and made my eyes teary...