Thursday, July 05, 2007

I can't think of an appropriate title- will a *heavy sigh* do?

As I sit here to write this, I don't even know what it is that I want to say. All I do know is that I feel the need to post about this. I don't even know why that is, really, except that you are my friends and this is such a big thing in my life that I can't NOT talk about it. Besides, it may even help to talk about it. So, I guess I’ll just spit it out. Here goes...

B was recently diagnosed as having a malignant melanoma. He had a mole, it was removed, it was malignant. We're waiting for the next appointments, when they can do more tests that will give us more information. What we know right now is not good, but until we know the extent of it all, I'm trying not to freak out (uncontrollably). That is not to say that I don't have my moments. After all, I couldn’t very well be me without at least some freakout moments. However, I am a big believer in the power of positive thinking and the law of attraction, so I am now trying to focus all my energy on positive thoughts and visualization. It's not always easy, because I'm scared as sh*t, but that's all I've got right now. Plus, although he internalizes a lot, I know that B is kind of freaked out, so one of us has to be the calm one. This is all new territory, because our roles are normally reversed, but I can take the lead this time. I'm really hoping that all this stress and worry is for all for naught, and we have the best possible outcome. I already lost my mom to cancer 4 years ago- I really CANNOT entertain the thought, for even a moment, that I could...never mind! Good thoughts and only good thoughts here at ALL! If you wouldn't mind, could I ask you to think the same and send some positive energy this way for B? I know how strong we can be when we join together, and I would be grateful to harness even the tiniest bit of that kickass knitblogger spirit and energy right now!

Meanwhile, I'm keeping my mind focused on good, healthy thoughts, and keeping my hands focused on knitting. I soon plan to revive Carmelita, the saddest Icarus in all the land, but for now I've been working on Deciduous...and loving it. It's so helpful to have something to keep busy with. Besides work, that is, which totally sucks right now (again). We've all been working extra hours and under much stress.

Okay, I should just stop here for now, else I'm apt to babble on forever, saying absolutely nothing. I feel a little awkward sharing all this, but like I said, it seemed like the thing to do, so thanks for listening.

36 comments:

Madge said...

Shannon, my heart goes out to you and B. I'm sending lots of healthy, healing thoughts your way, to use as you need.

Big, big hugs.

Inky said...

Hang in there, okay, things are often much, much worse in your imagination than in reality.

Thinking all my positive thoughts your way!!

Krista said...

Often, as knit bloggers, we don't tend to talk about personal things that don't involved knitting, so it may be a bit surprising sometimes when people share this sort of information. This is also your personal journal, though, and you can always count on tons of positive vibes coming your way from all over the world. So, if it helps you to write down your feelings, all the better.

Keep up the positive thinking, and I'll be doing the same for you.

Cora said...

Sending you all the positive thoughts I can. We're here for you.

Janelle said...

Oh, no. I am so sorry to hear about B. Waiting is one of the hardest parts, and I hope that you can find out more about what's going on soon. And of course I pray that it's good news. You are both in my thoughts, and I'm sending all the positive healing vibes I can your way. Take care.

knitzalot said...

I'm sending out all of the positive thoughts I can muster. I went through something like this earlier in the year. I sincerely hope that all of the worry turns out to be for nothing.

Kara said...

I am sending all my good thoughts your way. Hopefully, you don't have to wait too much longer, since the unknown is the hardest to deal with.

Good luck girl. Just know there are so many of us you care about you and are hoping for the best.

Octopus Knits said...

I'm sending positive thoughts your (and B.'s) way!

Marnie said...

Wow, what horrible news. I'm so sorry. I'm sending as many happy and healthy thoughts your way as I can.

I hope if there is anything I can do to help, you'll let me know. Being 1000 miles away probably makes that a little unlikely, but do let me know.

dee said...

Huge, sqeezy ::HUGS:: your way.
We will be thinking of you guys a lot...

Julia (MindofWinter) said...

How scary. I'm going to focus tons of positive energy your way. There is a really good possibility that everything will be fine, so let's think about that as hard as we can. I'm glad you decided to reach out, and I know that you'll be strong enough to help B now and for many, many years to come.

Love, J

jillian said...

Oh my gosh! I am so sorry to hear you and B have to go through this.

BIGGGGGG positive thoughts and hugs coming your way!

Liz K. said...

Oh, man. What horrid, scary news.

thanks for honoring us with the news, and please know that your blog-pals really are sending you the best of wishes for good news and good health.

Keep us posted as much as you can, and my very very best positive thoughts to B.

And you.

Francesca said...

Shannon, you are right about trying to keep positive thoughts. The word malignant alone is enough to scare anybody, but you still don't have all the information and things may turn out well. I had malignant melanoma 23 years ago, and I'm still here to tell the tale. There's a lot of things that go towards making a more or less favorable diagnosis and the word malignant is only one of them. I am sending you all the positive energy I can and keeping my fingers crossed that B may get out of it with just a big scare and a scar, like I did. :)

Jennifer said...

I'm sending all sorts of positive energy and thoughts to you and B. This is not good news, but until you get all the information, try not to worry too much. I know this is a futile piece of advice. *hugs*

=joy= said...

*POSITIVETHOUGHTS*POSITIVETHOUGHTS*POSITIVE THOUGHTS*

the only thing you can do is wait, but until then keep focused on the things that you enjoy.

*HUGS*

Sheri said...

Positive thoughts coming your way. I'll be hoping for the best for you both.
Sheri in GA

mle said...

You definitely have my thoughts and prayers! my father-in-law had malignat melanoma about 7 years ago and he was able to beat it. I sure hope B will have the same outcome!
Stay strong!

Nasus said...

Let me know when I can come over! :)

crzjane said...

My thought are with you both. Knitting is the best thing for you. When my Husband went through Prostate Cancer last year (ending in surgery in December, the blood test show the cancer has not come back) I knit socks. Socks, socks. They were easy I chose challenging patterns but nothing that would make me crazy. (I was all ready crazy)
So here goes. Healing thoughts and prayers coming your way. Best Wishes.

Lynne said...

Thinking of you and sending you lots of loving reiki energy. We are here for you.

meagan said...

You're right, it's crazy scary and the waiting for and through other tests is awful. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you.

andrea said...

i know what you mean about sharing private stuff, it's kinda awkward at the beginning, but still it feels so good just to share it with friends, even online ones ;) and it has helped me over and over again.

ok, lots and lots of positive energy and thoughts being sent your way from the east coast -- and a couple of big hugs as well.

Cara said...

YOU HAVE EVERY GOOD THOUGHT I CAN SPARE TODAY!!!!!

Having been through this EXACT scenario - my husband had melanoma last winter and while it was the scariest thing EVER it all turned out for the best.

DO NOT read the internet until you have solid information. It will only scare the crap out of you. I'm about to leave for the day, but please feel free to email me with any questions you might have. He only needed surgery to remove a lot of tissue around the original site and they biopsied a lymph node. Everything turned out clean, so there was no need for further treatment.

GOOD THOUGHTS! GOOD THOUGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lolly said...

Yes, many good thoughts. I am thinking about you both~

Ruinwen said...

Sending hugs, support, good vibes and lots of Reiki energy!

Hilari said...

All my good thoughts, prayers and positive energy are headed your way!

Miriam said...

*hugs and more hugs*

Nonnahs, I'm sending every good thought and all the healing energy I can your way.

"Knit on through all crises"

Jeanette said...

I am thinking lots of positive thoughts for you. I recently heard a report on NPR (I think) that labs currently are coming up with false positives with mole tests. They interviewed a person who went through years of treatment for malignant melanoma and she eventually had her whole file reviewed by another md and it turned out she never had melanoma at all, that her test was a false positive. I don't know if D has other risk factors, but if he doesn't perhaps you guys should consider getting a second opinion before going heavy into treatment.
Good luck and I hope that the further appointments go as well as possible!

K8 said...

Sending lots of good positive thoughts your way. And keeping my fingers crossed. Hang in there.

Jamisyn said...

Good thoughts your way from me! Hope all goes alright.

lori z said...

I'm sorry. You sound like you are doing an amazing job of being strong. I'll keep you in my thoughts. On that note - I hope we're still on lunch tomorrow - so I can give you a big hug. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

Tusa said...

Its good to share. I too have been there. I know where you are. Hang in there.

If you want, you can find a prayer on my blog. I have often found it very comforting and I know my prayers have been answered.

Let me know if I can be of any help.

ms. pea said...

can i curse and swear first before i send you my positive energy? F*ing G/D cancer!!!

thanks for letting it out, and for trusting the universe with this intense, scary and very personal stuff. i'm sending you all the long-distance positive energy this keyboard will carry! here's one postiive thought: scars are sexy.

Anonymous said...

I'm sending positive thoughts your way. Oh Shannon, I hope B will be all right!

- MJ

Theresa said...

So sorry I missed this. I'm glad it seems that everything is looking better. Feel free to get in touch if you have any "doctor-type" questions. I'm especially good at those questions you think are too dumb to be asked.